🔗 Share this article

One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?